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“I wouldn’t blame you for anything. I just need to know the truth.”

  “I’m telling you the truth,” she said, amazed at easily she lied.

  They were interrupted then by Maryanne, coming out on the porch with the baby. The rest of the family filtered out and they began another sun-filled day at the beach. When Peter appeared and squeezed the back of her neck with his hand as he passed by, everything else fell away and she quickly forgot Geoff’s questions. It would not be long before Rachel would regret that conversation with Geoff. Later in life, when she had time to think about it, she realized if she had only told him the truth on that day, the events of the next few weeks may have never happened. Geoff’s need to expose the truth about what had happened to his mother would cause a series of tragic events from which the family would find difficult to recover from.

  Chapter 13

  Peter and Bert headed home after a week at the beach and the rest followed the week later. Rachel was eager to get home. She and Peter had only managed to be together one more time before he had to leave and she missed him terribly. She was so in love with him and preoccupied with thoughts of him that she didn’t even notice Norris’ growing melancholy. As she sat with him in their private car on the train on the journey home, she thumbed through an issue of Life magazine. She was enthralled by a series of photos by a photojournalist name Theo Bressler which chronicled the rebuilding of Europe since the war.

  “Look at these photos, Norris,” she said. “These are amazing.”

  He turned from the window. He had been staring wordlessly out the window for hours. He flipped through the pictures in a desultory manner. “They are good. He’s talented,” he said in a flat voice. At one time, he would have been the one to toss the magazine in front of somebody’s face and rave about the photos.

  “I was thinking that the paper could expand. Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone like him on staff, or even just retainer? Just because we’re a local paper doesn’t mean that we can’t compete with the big papers, at least with photojournalism.”

  “That’s a wonderful idea,” Maryanne offered. She held a sleeping Alan in her arms. “Did you ever think of expanding what the paper offers, Daddy?”

  He shrugged. “Not really. Maybe I’m getting too old for this. I should turn the paper over to you children.” His eyes fell on Geoff. “Time for a new generation, right son?”

  Geoff looked uncomfortably at Rachel. He still hadn’t told his father about Harvard. “I think you’re doing a great job, Dad. It will be years before you should even think about turning the paper over.”

  Norris flipped through a few more pages. “He has an amazing eye. Maybe I’ll contact him.”

  “I didn’t necessarily mean him,” Rachel explained. “He might be too big for us.”

  “It wouldn’t hurt to try.” He handed the magazine back to her and resumed staring out the window.

  Rachel and Maryanne exchanged a look of concern with each other. “Daddy, are you feeling all right?”

  “Hm? Oh yes, of course.”

  “You seem down.”

  Rachel felt a moment of fear. Did Norris know that she had been unfaithful? Both times, they had tried their best to be discreet. Would he even care? He obviously didn’t want her. “She’s right. You do. What’s wrong?”

  He turned his head to look at Rachel and their eyes held for a long time. Rachel felt an uneasy feeling crawl up her spine. “Nothing’s wrong, my dear,” he finally said. “Just anxious to get home. You must be, too.”

  She smiled calmly. “I am looking forward to getting home. I had a wonderful time at the beach, though.”

  Again the long look. “I’m sure you did,” he said evenly and turned back to the window.

  Rachel hid her trembling hands under the magazine, her mind panicking. What would she say if he confronted her? Would she admit all or try to lie? She needed to talk to Peter as soon as they returned home. She calmly placed the magazine on the shelf behind her and leaned back, trying to calm her nerves. She watched Maryanne smoothing her hand over Alan’s downy head and felt a squeeze in her heart as she thought of her own little Ruby. The bracelet Peter gave her was safely packed in her overnight bag. Would there ever be another baby? She had accepted that Norris didn’t want another child but now, having been with Peter, she had a new rush of longing to hold another baby in her arms.

  She sat up straighter. A baby! What if she got pregnant by Peter? She would have to admit all to Norris then. She threw a nervous look at him but he seemed preoccupied by the passing scenery. God, what if she was already pregnant? What would she do? Those two times in Peter’s arms had not encouraged logical thought in her brain.

  Her cycles were always unpredictable so she wasn’t sure how long it would be before she knew whether or not she was pregnant. She would see a doctor in a month’s time if her cycle hadn’t come. She could explain it away as just a check-up and act surprised if he congratulated her. Then she would deal with how to tell Norris.

  In the meantime, she would have to talk to Peter. He would know what to do.

  The group arrived home that evening and Bert met his wife and son at the train station. Rachel searched briefly for Peter but was disappointed. He was nowhere to be seen.

  “Is Peter working late?” she asked Bert casually.

  “Uh…no, he actually took off early,” Bert answered as he swung Alan up in the air to the baby’s delight. “He and Blanche had some event to attend.”

  Her heart fell. “Oh.”

  Norris motioned for her. “The car is waiting, dear. Let’s get home.” He kissed Maryanne’s cheek. “We’ll see you soon?”

  “Of course. Daddy, thank you so much for the trip. We had such a wonderful time.” She hugged Rachel, Geoff, and Laurie. “We’ll come out soon. Good night.”

  The remaining four travelled to the estate in relative silence. Rachel knew it could be chalked up to fatigue but she was also disappointed that Peter had not missed her enough to meet the train. Once home, they all headed for the rooms and Rachel fell on her bed, a few tears stinging her eyes. “Stop it,” she muttered to herself. “He is married after all.” She allowed herself only another minute of wallowing in misery, and then forced herself to get up and prepare for bed.

  She turned off her light and snuggled under her blankets, wiping her tired eyes. She didn’t even hear the door to her bedroom open.

  “Spider,” he whispered, running his hand over her hair.

  Her eyes flew open. “Peter!” she whispered, joy washing over her. “Oh, I missed you!” She sat up, throwing herself in his arms.

  His mouth met hers with ferocious hunger and he devoured her with his mouth, his hands already stroking her breasts through her nightgown. “You feel good,” he said against her mouth.

  She pulled away slightly. “Did anyone see you come in?”

  “No, I came in through the kitchen and up the back staircase.”

  “My door?”

  “I locked it behind me. We’re safe.” He stood and began unbuttoning his shirt.

  “I was devastated when you weren’t at the train station,” she admitted.

  “I had a dinner that I had to attend. I left as soon as I could.”

  “Blanche was with you?”

  He shrugged out of the shirt and let it fall carelessly to the floor. “We went together. We left separately. That’s normal for us.” He reached for the button of his trousers. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous of Blanche.”

  “It’s stupid I know. I’m not jealous of her exactly, just the time she has with you.”

  He stepped out of the last of his clothes and returned to bed. “No matter where I am or who I’m with, all I think about is you. The clock seemed to have stopped while I was at the dinner. I could hardly wait until I could leave and come be with you.”

  He bent his head to reclaim her mouth but she held him away. “Peter, I need to talk to you about something.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “W
hat if I get pregnant? What if I’m already pregnant?”

  “I know. As soon as I got on that train home, I thought of that. If you’re already pregnant, there’s nothing to be done. We’ll deal with that when it happens. From here on out, though, we have to be careful.”

  She felt shy. “I…I don’t know what to do.”

  He kissed her forehead with a small chuckle. “I brought something with me. I’ll take care of it. You must know, however, that nothing is fool-proof. We’re running a risk no matter what we do. Are you willing to take that risk?”

  She didn’t even pause to think. “I can’t be without you,” she whispered.

  For the next hour, they were completely engrossed in each other. He brought her to ecstasy with his hands and his mouth before finally plunging into her with a hoarse cry of his own. Afterwards, he held her in his arms and said, “I love you, Rachel Warner.”

  She rose up on an elbow and gazed down in his face. “You do?”

  He reached up to smooth her hair out of her eyes. “Have I not told you that before?”

  She had to laugh. “No, I think I would remember that. At least, you’ve never said it like that before. Do you really, Peter? You love me?”

  “I am…madly…” he lifted his head from the pillow and kissed her. “Passionately…” another kiss, “desperately out of my head in love with you.”

  “That is very nice to hear,” she said with a smile.

  His eyebrows rose. “I would certainly not mind to hear a similar declaration from you.”

  “Are you serious? I think I’ve been painfully obvious since I was a teenager.”

  He shook his head. “No good. That was a teenage crush, puppy love. You’re a woman now and see me with all of my flaws and all of my bad qualities. Do you love me as a woman loves a man, despite my shortcomings?”

  She rested her chin on her fisted hands on his chest and pretended to think. “I didn’t really think about it that way. You do have a lot of bad qualities, don’t you?”

  “Well, ‘a lot’ might be overstating it a bit.”

  “You’re moody, you work too much…you’re very rigid. When you think you’re right, there’s no changing your mind.”

  “Because I’m right,” he argued.

  “And you’re argumentative,” she added.

  “I’m a lawyer.”

  “And you’re a lawyer. I always wanted to fall in love with someone more romantic, like a writer or a poet.”

  “I quoted poetry to you at the beach.”

  “Less than a stanza of Browning. Pretty sad.”

  “All right. So those are my bad qualities. Can you think of any good ones?”

  She pursed her lips in thought. “You’re intelligent and you’re kind of handsome,” she offered.

  “Go on.”

  “You are very kind. You like to take care of poor lost souls.”

  “Anything else?”

  “When I’m near you, my blood roars through my veins and I feel like electricity is running up and down my body.” She snuggled closer to him. “When I’m not with you, I feel lost and sad. I only want to be near you.”

  His lips turned up in a smile. “Sounds like love to me.”

  She nodded. “I agree. I guess I really am in love with you.” She sighed happily and laid her head on his chest. “Peter, I think Norris may know about us.”

  “Did he say something?”

  “No, it’s more what he’s not saying. He seemed upset on the train ride home and he stared at me a lot.”

  “I hate to tell you, Rachel, but Norris has stared at you for years. It used to give me the creeps. I think you’re just letting your imagination run away. We were careful.”

  “I guess.” She drew little circles in his chest hair. “Remember when he told me to not be alone with you?”

  “Yes.”

  “He said that you were promiscuous. He said that you had had affairs with almost every woman in your social circle. He insinuated that you were targeting me as some sort of conquest. Is that true?”

  “No,” he said firmly. “I swear it to you. Listen to me, I was faithful to Blanche for the first three years of our marriage. Even though I knew she was being unfaithful to me, I still tried to save our marriage.”

  “What made you change your mind?”

  “Three years ago a woman called me. She told me that Blanche was sick, she needed help. I followed the lady’s directions and found Blanche lying on a dirty metal table in this place…she had had an abortion. She was hemorrhaging. I took her to the hospital. When she was lucid, she admitted to me that she had no idea if the baby had been mine or any of the several men she had slept with. All she knew was that she didn’t want the baby. Any feelings I had had for her died that day.” He cupped her face in his hands. “I have been with other women, it’s true. Not a lot, though, and I’m always discreet. I haven’t left any deflowered virgins or broken hearts in my wake. If I had wanted you as a conquest, I would have taken you the night of Maryanne’s wedding. Believe me, I was tempted.”

  “Why didn’t you then?”

  “It would have been wrong. You didn’t need to lose your virginity in a drunken stupor, especially after everything you had been through that night.”

  She was quiet for a few moments. “Instead I lost my virginity to Norris. I wish it had been you.”

  His gut clenched as he thought about the twisted web of lies in which Norris had involved Rachel. He knew that couldn’t even begin to comprehend all of the lies. “We can’t change the past. Neither of us can.”

  “I know. You’re right. All that matters in now.” She pressed her lips to his reverently. “When we’re together, there is no Blanche, no Norris. It’s just us.”

  He left before the sun rose, kissing her gently. “Sleep,” he whispered. “I’ve kept you up most of the night.”

  “It was worth it,” she said, trying to stifle a yawn. “When will I see you again?”

  “As soon as possible. I love you.”

  “I love you.” She was already drifting off to sleep so he slipped out of the room noiselessly and left the house, jogging to his car which he had left at the end of the drive.

  Rachel slept late, well after noon, and was lethargic about getting up and facing the real world. Her body felt gloriously loved and she luxuriated in her bath tub for over an hour, gently cleaning her body from head to toe, reminiscing in how Peter how made love to every inch. She finally dried herself and dressed, her stomach rumbling. She headed down the steps, finding it difficult to keep the smile from her face.

  The house was quiet and she found only Laurie, reclining on the sofa, reading a book. “Hi.”

  He looked up. “Hey, sleepy head. I thought you’d never get up. Want to go for a ride?”

  “Let me eat something first. I’m starved.”

  He jumped up, tossing the book on the sofa. “I’ll eat, too. I’ve never known you to sleep so late.”

  “I guess I was worn out from the trip.” They entered the kitchen and requested a light lunch from Cook. The proceeded to the dining room and sat down, drinking tea while they waited for their sandwiches. “Where is everybody? Don’t tell me that Norris is already off to work.”

  “No, he and Geoff went skeet shooting.”

  “Skeet shooting?” Skeet shooting was a relatively new sport that Norris had taken a liking to recently. Laurie wasn’t comfortable with shotguns but Geoff enjoyed the sport and the opportunity to be outdoors with his father. “How long ago did they leave?”

  “About an hour or so. Geoff said he needed to talk to Norris about something important.”

  “Oh,” Rachel said softly. “Harvard?”

  “He told you?” Laurie asked in surprise. “He’s scared to death to tell Norris. He’s afraid of disappointing him.”

  “In the end, Norris only wants his children to be happy. If it’s truly what Geoff wants, then Norris will agree to it.” She looked at her brother thoughtfully. “So, what about you? Y
ou’ll be leaving soon for your last year. What are your plans? Following Geoff to Harvard?”

  He laughed. “No. I do have plans of my own. I’m not just a shadow of Geoff, you know.”

  She laid her hand on his. “I’ve never thought that. So, what are your plans?”

  “I’ve been studying theology.”

  “Theology?” she asked blankly.

  “I’ve been meeting with one of the priests after classes. He’s an archivist in Boston and I’ve been helping him translate religious documents. I like it.”

  Rachel this sudden vision of the hours Norris spent in the chapel, praying fervently as if trying to wash the sins from the face of the earth. “Oh, Laurie, I don’t know…”

  “What do you need to know?” he asked calmly.

  “Norris’ love of religion…well, I’m not sure it’s healthy for him-”

  “It’s not,” Laurie interrupted. “I’ve talked to Father Tom—that’s the priest I work with—about it. He said that people can become obsessive, or even addicted, to religion just as much as alcohol or drugs. He talked about the flagellants who beat themselves to avoid the Black Death in the 1400s. Others have killed in the name of the Lord, feeling that it’s their responsibility to eradicate evil.”

  Rachel’s face fell as she remembered the morning after Helen and Frederick’s deaths when Norris had prayed in the chapel, asking for God’s protection instead of forgiveness. Laurie didn’t notice her reaction to his words and continued,

  “I think it might be my calling, Rae.”

  “Religion?” she asked, his words pulling her back to the present. “In what capacity?”

  “I’m not sure yet. Teaching maybe? I still have time to figure it out.”

  Their sandwiches arrived and they ate in companionable silence. Rachel’s mind drifted to Peter and she wondered what he was doing. She imagined an invisible thread connecting her to him and, as she felt a warm flush sweep over her body, wondered if he was thinking of her at that moment.

  “You look happy,” Laurie commented. “Happier than I’ve ever seen you.”

  She smiled, her eyes lighting. “I am happy.”

  “Why?” he asked bluntly.